mj

I think by now everyone should have heard about the demise of Michael Jackson.Most parts of the world are now paying tributes and mourning over his death.If you haven't,I guess you must have been away from planet earth then?Like every other day,I started my day driving to work while listening to fly.fm.There were 2 MJ's songs playing back to back at that time and I remembered thinking that it was strange cause fly.fm's choices of songs are rather repetitive so I kinda know what songs will be played every morning and it's rather unusual that MJ songs were played back to back.Then the DJs were discussing about MJ's death and I was really shocked.As in the shock is similar like knowing someone close to me have died.I guess because it's too sudden and it's MJ so everyone must have a hard time taking in the news.Most people that I knew had a part of their life when they became a fan of MJ.Like my parents,aunties and people in that age became his fans when he's in jackson 5. I think I had told some people close to me that the first cd that me and my bro ever bought was MJ's dangerous.It could have been around 1994 or before that cause both of us were still in primary school.The cd was produced in 1991 but of course we bought it much later than that.Come to think of it,how do we get the money to buy the cd?I think we must hav bought it after raya...that's the only time that we can afford it anyway.The reason why I can remember it is because I count that as one of the fondest memory of me and my bro growing up cause we fight almost all the time back then but the times when we were listening to his songs while reading the lyrics that came together with the cd were the times that we miraculously don't fight.So,each time I listened to some tracks from that album like jam,black or white etc. in the radio it always brought me back to those times.What's even more suprising,considering we are both the type that lost things a lot, the cd is still with us till today and when I tried to play it on this pc just now,it can still be played albeit there appear to be some scratches on the cd and the fact that the last time this cd was played was when me and my bro was still in school which could easily be 10 years back.That's my story.R.I.P MJ.End.

Underground

Ok for today no emo post.But don't you realize that when I'm emo-ing over something I'll update more?I don't know wether that's a good thing or a bad thing.

Anyway,last weekend I finally bought haruki murakami's underground so I can tick that off from my wish list.Next,Japan 2011 ish lambatnya lagi.Actually I wanted to write something about the book but since I just read only few pages of it I can't say much yet.Before this I've actually never bought anything from the haruki murakami's collection.I did read a few pages from his 'after dark' novel in the bookstore cause I've heard people raving about him and I thought the way he wrote was pretty interesting.Undergroud basically tell the story about the sarin gas attack in japan.If you don't know what that is please wiki.cewah mesti takde orang nak buat pun kan.Okla sarin gas attack happen in 1995 and it's considered as the first terrorist attack in japan.The attack was launch by members of a cult group "aum shinrikyo".How their modus operandi work is one day during the peak hour for people to go to work, 5 members boarded the subway train that led to 5 different major paths and leave the bag contained with sarin gas in there.People in that train will then be poisoned from inhalation of the gas and few deaths and hundreds of injuries were reported.The police then hold a manhunt to find the criminals. Why murakami wrote this book is because he thought that the media focused too much on the criminals whilst the victims weren't given much attention on.So he wrote the book to look at the aftermath of the situation, including how the day of the incident goes for them, the trauma that the victims felt and how they continued their lives.

The way he wrote the book is like a news report write-up.Just like an interview session.He just manage to interview around 60 something victims and each victim has their own life and own story to tell.He do write about the cult too on their motives behind it and the profiles of the cult members.What shock me is that the cult still exist till today as a legal group gathering thousands of members.The story about the cult was really interesting actually. So I guess if you know me well enough you'll understand why I really want this book.True crime+terrorist attack+japan+interview+cult=couldn't get any better.

I think actually I can read all kind of books except romance.There used to be a phase where I like chic-lit books but some of them focus too much on romance part and not on the funny parts so I just gave that up.I love books on aliens but even in that genre I'm quite selective.It can't just focus on the aliens, it have to have some mysterious crimes in it too.So in conclusion the genre that I really like is crime novels right.I have no idea why I'm telling all this must be because of the sleepyness kicking in.End.

Tired

Today I saw an accident that happen right in front of my eyes but I was too shocked that I didn't stop to ask if the people involved were ok and if I can help them with something.I really really felt bad after that but I can't rewind time so I guess there's no point clouding my mind with guilt.I'll try to forget all these.

Update for this week so far,well there are good and bad news.The bad news is that things didn't get better and added to that this week kinda make me feel really scared over what's coming in future.Over the last week until today I tried really hard to be positive and show people that I am cheerful and all that but the thing is I am not that kind of person.I don't talk much but I forced myself to talk and smile as much as I can to please people.At the end of the day I was really tired and drained out. I didn't manage to change anything but well at least I tried.The good news is that I have set my mind that if I had tried and I can't change something then it's better to move on cause no matter how depress I am there's really nothing much I can do.So haniz move on and just pray for the best.

I really felt like screaming cause you know when you watch dramas,when people have problems or something they will always go to some hills and start screaming on top of their lungs.Maybe that can help them to ease their problems away.But obviously I don't live near anywhere for me to do that.So far I think I had learnt to handle a lot of things but what I can't handle is that when people who is living the life that I want and still complained that life's not fair.Obviously I know that everyone have their own problems including me.Don't get me wrong I still want to listen to people's problems cause well that's what friends are for but just please refrain yourself from saying that God's not fair or how life could be better.If it's up to me,God knows how much I want to say that life's quite cruel sometimes but I know there are people who might look at my life thinking how I wish I have her life.So please think of how I am sometimes before you say something.Maybe I am being selfish right now but I just can't handle it.End.

thoughts

So after a week of emo-ness I came to a conclusion recently....that I am one ungrateful girl.Seriously.All this week whenever I was depressed which was most of the time I would be thinking why can't I have it easy like everyone else.I kept thinking why do I have to go through things the hard way first.But I guess that's god's way of helping me cause I admit I am very very weak.I guess by going through things the hard way first I'll know how to handle when I have tougher things to deal with later part of my life instead of going through things easy and find it a greater burden to handle it when more problems came later on.So now I am grateful for what I have now.There are things that I can't change no matter how hard I try but instead of crying,whining and being sad over it it's better to accept it the way it is and be thankful that in the end there are always people around me who are willing to listen and tried to help me go through things even though they may think I am rather unreasonable sometimes which I am.Yeah I am one lucky girl.End.

A day in my life

Ok this will be a really whiny post.If you are having a bad day yourself please click at the x button at upper right hand corner of your screen.

First thing off I am actually quite depressed yesterday.Ok quite is an understatement I was really really depressed yesterday and today.I don't think I'll tell the reason though cause to some people it's quite trivial so I don't want people to think I'm childish and all.So today I woke up with no motivation at all.While I was driving in the morning,I nearly hit a bmw cause the driver suddenly brake.Imagine how much money I have to fork out if I really bang the car. Then,I was feeling really thankful and my day get a tiny bit better.Then when I was about to go home I realized that I had leave the light on for hours so my car battery was dead.Thankfully I get to have someone to jump-start the car for me then I absolutely know that I have to head to the mechanic after that.Halfway there I thought there's no way I have enough money to pay.Thankfully the mechanic allow me to pay whatever I have first and pay the balance later.I know that today is a day to be thankful for.But I guess everything still doesn't seem right.Ahh human is such a hard creature to please.Despite all that just now while I was waiting the mechanic to change the battery, my heart feels really heavy and sad however I can't help but to laugh.That's what usually happen when I reach my breaking point but I know I'm still ok.Tomorrow is another day.End.

a note to myself

will u just f*cking be happy please