Today my mom's best friend passed away.

Today I just learn that it's even more heartbreaking when you know that you just shattered your father's hope for you than when your own dreams was shattered.

Today I asked myself have I done anything worthwhile to make people missed me if I just die one day.

Last few years I learn that it is really difficult putting on a brave face and a smile when you want to cry so badly.
Today I learn that it gets even more difficult through time.

Today is definitely a painful day.

Tomorrow I'll start fresh again.

It had been almost 2 months since I updated this blog.Besides the fact that I don't have anything to blog about I found that there are more and more things that worries me.That doesn't make a good writing material unfortunately.I woke up one day having panic attack.I just realized that I'm about to reach 25 soon and while I think I'm still young I realized that it's quite abnormal for a 24 year old me to stop thinking of having any ambitions.That's like not having any will to live.The thing is that it's not that I don't want to have any ambitions but I just stop believing that I can achieve or do anything at all.To start of I am not an ambitious person since I was younger but at least at that time I thought that if I do have any I can do it.Suddenly it hit me,my new ambition and hope now is to start loving myself and I have to start thinking that there are somethings that I can do otherwise nothing will happen.What can I do to make me feel alive?End.